Mum of the Year...?

Sorry Mums, it's your turn today.  Now, I am a mum myself of course, but I am not the kind of mum I am talking about here.  I am sure we all know these type of woman, so enamoured are they by their precious little darling, that they feel it necessary to share precious little darlings every waking move.  Well, sorry mumzilla's but I am not interested.  I don't care if darling Percy just recreated the Sistine chapel in his bowl of muesli & freshly foraged berries, nor if Jacinta is reciting 1 to 10 in French, whilst pirouetting across the floor in such a way that Darcy Bussell is quaking in her pointe shoes, all at the tender age of 9 months.  I am not saying you shouldn't enjoy these moments, you absolutely should, the pertinent word there being 'you'.  If you continue bombarding your social networking sites several times a day with this drivel, our friendship, be it online or real life, shall soon be terminated.  As an aside, if your children are that talented, I'd pop out a couple more and make sure you are set up for early retirement.

Moving swiftly on, I was disappointed yesterday when the Mum of the Year nominees were announced to see that I, again, had not made the list.  There are a few names on the list, where yes, I suppose, if some dimwit somewhere needs a mum figure in the public eye to look up to, then these are acceptable.  However, there are some names that really should not be on that list.  First and foremost?  Peaches Geldof.  Wow, look at her, carrying a child, and erm, yeah, thats it, it's not even born, so it's a stupid nomination.  STUPID.

Speaking of stupid, Chloe Sims?  Would this be the same Chloe Sims that was seen on TV last week discussing that her 6 year old daughter has 4 blackberrys?  And this week saying that she is happy for her to have plastic surgery?  Christ, let the poor love grow up before you force that body dysmorphia, from which Chloe clearly suffers, down her throat.  What happened to children being children?

Next up we have Natalie Cassidy.  Natalie Cassidy, that last year severed ties with father of her daughter for assaulting her with a mascara wand and a slipper and is now reconciling with aforementioned alcoholic wand brandishing slipper beater?  What an example to set to people, best of all, your own daughter. 

Denise Welsh - Another stellar example of an amazing mother - I mean, what 10 year boy doesn't want to see him mum in the press with her saggy tatas continually on display?  It really does show how much she puts her kids first doesn't it?  Natasha Giggs too, was clearly putting the needs of her children first when she spent 10 years fucking their uncle, and then going on to tell the world about it.  Not embarrassing for them at all I bet!

I could go on, but I feel my point is made.  These people should not be looked up to as shining beacons of how to be the perfect muvva, anything but, they are the absolute anti-thesis.  If anything, collectively they should be writing a book 'how to be a shit parent'.  I am not saying everyone should be perfect, far from, and I am most definitely not.  However, what I get up to in my private time is exactly that, private.

Fashion Fuckery, Jacko, and a Slanket

Hello fuckery fans... yes I am talking to myself.. really need to do something about that... anyway.. first up, strapless dresses.. more specifically, strapless dresses strategically hanging from nipples.. It's a trend that I just do not understand, whether on overinflated funbags, or totally deflated a la Ms. Moss, it just looks awful. Hoik those dresses up to where they belong, and you will look a damn sight better. Perhaps don't drag yourself through a bush backwards too Kate, every little helps.

Whilst on the subject of 'fashion', Hilary Alexander, Fashion Director at the Telegraph was spotted at LFW looking like a fucking hobo, in cheetah print baseball boots. I'll be damned if someone who wears shoes likes that is going to influence what I wear. Fucking bag lady.

Jermaine Jackson has been doing the rounds again, trying to vilify Michael and telling us not to listen to any of the nasty things that will be said about him in the coming weeks. Anyone that can name thier child 'Jermasjesty' is a complete and utter fucknut, and as such, should not be listened to. What a complete bunch of loons that family are. I do hope that now they aren't being forced to wear masks and dangled from balconies, his children have a somewhat more normal upbringing. Jermajesty, I mean really! I don't think I will ever get over that one!

Lastly, I am bloody bastard freezing. I am actually shivering. I refuse to put the heating on though, in fact, I am going to attempt to get through the winter without it. There is no way I am paying 18% more than last year just so those robbing bastards at British Gas can swell the coffers even further. How they can justify increasing prices when they are making such huge profits is beyond me, its not as if they are a small independant and are struggling to make ends meet. It's completely ridiculous. To help in this endeavour, I shall be investing in a slanket! Oh yes, I am really going to rock the OAP look this winter, and as long as it means I am not giving BG my hard earned cash, I will be happy.

For those of you that aren't familiar, that ↑↑ is a slanket, does it not just look so cosy and inviting?!? Get involved.

JERMAJESTY! Pah!

xx