- Deep sorrow, esp. that caused by someone's death.
- Trouble or annoyance.
Or... as I like to call it, the worst feeling in the world. That feeling that , even when things are going well, is always there, always with me. That huge Jenny shaped whole in my life that just can not be filled. It's been 366 days (it was a leap year) since that awful night when, with no official confirmation, I knew that life would never be the same again. People say that time heals, but I disagree. Time merely allows you the ability to cope better with your emotions, and compartmentalise them, it does not heal. When you lose someone that you dearly love, I do not believe that you heal from that loss.
Over the last year, I've learnt that grief is not an emotion in itself, it's a spectrum, that brings with it a vast amount of other emotions, and the times at which you experience them, have no rhyme or reason. I've felt the deepest of anger, guilt, sadness, and on the flipside, my happiness is skewed, because of the out of kilterness of my other emotions. I am sure I could have put that more eloquently... however, I digress. The hardest thing about grief, is not having the opportunity to the tell the person that matters the most, the things that they really need to hear. That's what saddens me the most, the things unsaid, that we assume people know, so never take the time to actually put into words. I suppose the only thing that I have learned, is that there is never a bad time to tell someone how much they mean to you.
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