2011... Thank you and fuck you.

Well, it's that time of year, we all roll out the cliches, yeah, next year is going to be the best ever! Woooo let's all high five. What if it isn't though? What if, completely out of your control, your whole world cataclysmicly implodes? How do you get over that? No really, how? 2011 has been the worst year for me, ever. Believe me, there have been a few contenders. The difference between those years and this, is, that when things went wrong before, I was instrumental to that, I made the wrong choices, I fucked up, I learnt from it.

In February, I nearly lost my sister, after a long hospital battle, she is fine, and it's amazing that she's still here, but it doesn't take away the horrendous moment when a doctor tells you that he's basically fighting to keep alive someone you'd been talking to less than an hour before. That's something I shall never get over, ever. However, she's alive, she's doing well, and I'm grateful.

I've also lost my best friend 5 weeks ago, and that's something I know I won't recover from. The pain and the anger that I feel can not be put into words, nor can the huge hole in my life that's been left. The regrets, and guilt I feel will stay with me. There is nothing anyone can say that will change the way I currently feel.

I know in time, that the cliches that people keep saying to me will actually become reality, but at the moment, thats all they are, cliches.

Thats not to say this year has been all bad, it's had its good parts too, it's just that I am finding it difficult to focus on them at the moment. However, I know that I can not continue moping, and that the new year is a new start, where I shall attempt to be me again, and actually live my life rather than just exist. I know that the only person that can make me feel better is me.